Reminder Via a Repost

Well hello there. Again. Sick of me yet? It's okay if you are. You don't have to read this. Honestly? I will not be offended. Actually I am a little sick of me but I have to get this off my chest and set the record straight.

Hello, my name is Shannon and I am a sugar-holic. And today is day one.  Yep full on Junkie for the sweet stuff. (Just ignore the smoothie post for yesterday it's off the menu for the moment) I've quit sugar so many times and every single time I have fallen off the wagon. But try and try again right? Otherwise our failure becomes a permanent condition.

So last night, some friends and I were talking about sugar and how to get off it and the more we talked, the more methods and strategies that were thrown on the table, the more it became painfully obvious that we had to go cold turkey - there is NO other way for us. 

For some people there is, they can moderate their intake, or choose only healthy stuff, or wean themselves off... But for Sugar Junkie's? Not so much.

So today is day one. Day one of three. I believe collectively none of us were ready to commit to more than three days off the top. (Read me! I wasn't ready)
So I posted a pic on Instagram and so many people commented warm words of support. 

But I want to draw attention to one person in particular. Wonderwomantam She reached out to me sometime around January I believe with the sweetest message ever, telling me about how an old post I wrote on Mastering The Method had not only helped her, but how it had also helped her friend. That made my day! Sincerely, thank you. And again last night, she reminded me of that post. Ha! She even quoted me back to me. 

So today, as I begrudgingly drank my tea WITHOUT sugar for the first damned time in my life (I may have to give that shit up altogether if I can't have sugar) I revisited that post and I think it deserves a repost right here, right now! Thank you for that gentle reminder my Wonderwoman friend!

I originally wrote this in July 2012 - Yep. It's a bit sad to find myself back at square one nearly four years later. Still I do not want this addiction to rule my life so... Once again, my name is Shannon and I am a Sugar-holic.

Your freedom awaits you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey there -- Queen of Denial, the jig is up. It's time to screw up your courage, draw your line in the sand and stop listening to the myriad of excuses that the voice in your head comes up with to continue to feed your addiction.  

"It's not an addiction." It's not an addiction?  

Pft, whatever. Listen to yourself...

I'll do better tomorrow. I'll start Monday. This month is just too busy. The fifteenth looks like a good day to kick off a new plan. As soon as I turn 41.

Awe, there it is. There's the rub. Tomorrow never comes. It's Tuesday, why haven't you started? The fifteenth has come and gone. Next month isn't going to be less busy... you've turned 41.

There isn't a nice way to say this. You are not the sort of person who can eat just one cookie. You're not. It's time you accepted that. You are a woman who at the very least is of average intelligence. You know what sugar is doing to you. You even wrote about your liver less than a month ago and you vowed to give it up. You lasted two days. So what? Don't use that as an excuse for why you can't today.

There is no easy way to do this. You've been pounding back boxes of cookies and bags of brownies since before your earliest memories. Who cares why you've done it. It doesn't matter if sweets were a reward, a treat, comfort on a bad day, a fun way to celebrate a victory. Today, they no longer serve you or your best interest. I'm here to tell you that you need to find another way to celebrate. Find another form of comfort. One that isn't so bloody self-destructive. If this sounds like tough love, it should, because it is. I love you and I don't want to see you doing this to yourself anymore.

Everything else really is going to be so much easier for you once you just give it up. Make it non-negotiable. There is no bargaining with the voice in your head. In the same way that you are not the girl who could be a social smoker, you're not a once a week or occasional eater of sugar. You are an addict. That's okay. It's not a bad thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're not bad for seeking the pleasure that once came with the rush of sugar hitting your blood stream. You just must now realize that the high is no longer there. The pleasure you seek no longer comes from just one cookie, one bowl of ice cream, one slice of cake. It doesn't even come after two or three or the whole box. You aren't getting from it what you once were, and if you're actually brave enough to be honest with yourself, you'll see that.

So once again I am going to ask you to take a particular situation - this situation - and reframe it in your mind. You don't have to try and make this about doing something "good" for yourself. You do plenty of that already with your Glowing Green Smoothies and your vegetarian lifestyle. No this is about choosing to no longer hurt yourself. It's about choosing to stop the pain in your gut caused by eating way too much sugar. This is about empowerment and about taking control, about taking back your life by creating space in your head where the obsession over sugar once lived. Think of all of the creative power you'll have access to once the obsession is gone. It will be freedom for you.

You might not feel ready to do it now, but there is literally no other time that you have access to other than this exact moment. You cannot afford to wait. I am asking you to trust me, to take my word for it that once you conquer this addiction, once you rid yourself of this yoke around your neck and you're no longer held prisoner by it, you will feel so much better. You'll sleep better, you'll have more energy, less headaches, you'll be way less moody and dependent on an outside thing to make you happy. Please just have faith that this will be win win and that once you get rid of your addiction, you really will find pleasure in other things, in things that you simply cannot see now because of your blinding fixation on sugar. You're so much stronger than you think you are. Don't let anyone tell you that there is a middle ground or that moderation is key. You know better. There is no grey area for you, my love. You are now and always have been an all or nothing girl, it's what makes you you, but in this case, it's what's killing you. Release the mania, stop the crazy-making and open yourself up to a new way, a different way. It could even wind up being a better way if you allow it to be.

Your mind will come up with a million different excuses, it will play tricks on you and tell you stories about why you shouldn't be doing this, about how much you love sugar, about how fun it is, or why it might not be bad. Do not listen. Don't fall for any of it. You can hear the thoughts, watch them pass through your mind, but don't attach yourself to them. Don't relate to those thoughts, for that's all they are, nothing more and they have no more power than you choose to give them. You are not this addiction. You are a strong independent woman who can think for herself and you have long thought that the sugar has to go. Remember that when things get hard.

And finally, I want you to know this... You are loved and all is well.

Love,

Shan of 2012 

and Shan of today!

I think I just made myself cry. Oooo I am PMS'ing, what a shit time to quit sugar, but now is the only time! Thanks for reading.

Sweet TOOTH

Honestly, I have yet to tame my sweet tooth, sure I have been able to manage it over the years (who am I kidding, it's a full on addiction) and I've even been able to cut out the really bad things like cookies, cake, brownies and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I mostly stick to dark chocolate. But really, I ask you, what's life without cookies and Reese's PBC's? Very un-sweet.

At the end of last summer, I had finally taken the plunge and put myself through the hell (it wasn't that bad actually) that was Dr. Junger's Clean program. Once on it, I felt like I'd found the Keys to the Weightloss Kingdom! You can read my stunning revelations Here should you so choose. In fact I think I need to go back and read the damned thing because baby I am off the wagon. Ten pounds up, feeling tired, fat and all around dull (hair, complexion, mood) I'm probably just full of all sorts of crap again. Some of the more recent takeaways that I've held on to have been to stay off gluten as much as I can with the odd exception like Tofurkey because I'm sorry, it's my fave and I'm just not that disciplined. You do remember me saying "new chapter, same damed book" recently don't you?

Anyhoo - I've gone back to things like cheese, eggs, potato chips, don't judge, I feel horrible enough as it is. TEN POUNDS! Bitch please, I need to get back on the wagon.

Alas I did not come here to whine, okay maybe a little bit. But what I actually came here to do was share with you my new favorite smoothie. It's one I actually invented myself. I can bet you a million dollars that someone else out there has already come up with this freaking fantastic morning glory smoothie, but I promise you that I didn't get this from them, it came out of a morning crisis I was having when I knew I really needed to get back onto the damned smoothies but the real me wanted my effing Resse's alright?!? Oh yeah, btw I have raging PMS as I write this, can you tell? Hello run-on sentence.

I chose to take a middle ground here okay? I wanted to be as healthy as I could, but I just didn't want to be healthy at all so I went to the shop around the corner and I picked up my favorite brand of Almond Milk - Silk. I love them because they are free of everything. In fact they are so free of stuff I don't even know what's in them and they are so so free of stuff that it should be illegal to even charge for them, but that's a rant for another day.

Silk has no carrageenan, no gluten, no soy, no dairy - you see where I'm going with this? Excellent. I picked up their dark chocolate almond milk. 

If you've not tried this, I highly recommend it, it's so good. 

And this became the base for my one and only, soon to be world famous:

Shan's Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Smoothie! 

Are you squealing with delight yet? I know I am. 

So what's in it? 

1 1/2 cup of choc almond milk
heaping tablespoon of peanut butter (the healthy kind, but crunchy)
1-2 medjool dates (depending on how sweet you like it)
1/2 to a whole frozen banana
and an optional 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries.

Put all of this in your blender and blend until smooth.
Pour and guzzle.


Don't even ask me how many calories are in this. And don't bloody tell me if you know because I certainly don't want to know. I just want to enjoy it in peace and denial.

NOTE: I add blue berries to almost every smoothie just because I love them so darned much! But they will alter the taste of this rocking PBC smoothie, so maybe leave em out the first time. 
Of course I should have left them out when I took the photo of this beverage, but I couldn't resist them, so you'll see the smoothie looks more purple than brown. Whateve's.
Also I choose crunchy over smooth PB even though it gets blended smooth because to me, those crunchy bits in there give an added peanut flavor. Is it all in my head? Could be, but so is everything else so...

When you're in a mood and all you want is the bad stuff, even for breakfast (that's a junkie talking, I'm just sayin') give this bad boy a go. I promise, you'll thank me.

Love,
Shan

Have a little faith

As a kid remember my grandmother having this unwavering faith that things always had a way of working out. She was able to assuage my childhood fears the way a cool cloth soothes a warm forehead. Now that I'm older I try to remind myself that in any situation I've encountered, things generally tended to work out for me. Sometimes what I perceived as a really crappy outcome was simply there to make way for something better. The point is we cannot always see the bigger picture.

But being a writer it's difficult sometimes to trust that everything actually is working out when the phone isn't ringing, or the bank balance begins to drop, or the ideas are not flowing as easily as you'd like them to. I think this goes for every artist. My friend Emery has a saying: "The Universe is running on time," meaning that there is a greater plan. I freely admit that there are days where I would like nothing more than hand over the reigns of my life to a Higher Power and other days where I'm like: "I'm nothing, I'm no more than a spec of dust and the universe doesn't give a rat's ass about me." I call those my Woody Allen days. "What if there is no God? What if we're just a bunch of absurd people running around with no rhyme or reason?" 

He can't be right..... can he?

In most twelve-step programs they say we should "let go and let God" but I have a really hard time with that. I think it's because I am not a natural born follower, why would I choose to believe that some unseen unproven entity has more control over my own life than I do? On the other hand I  don't see myself as leader of the pack either. I suppose if it comes down to it, I'm a bit of a lone wolf so trust does not come easily. Do you remember those exercises they used to do in gym class where your schoolmate would stand behind you and you were meant to fall back into their arms, trusting that they would catch you? I had a hard time in both the catch and fall positions. Maybe that was an early indication that I didn't truly trust myself or anyone else.

That's been my homework of late. Not only trusting myself and my instincts but also loving who I am free from judgement. All of the running dialogue of who I "should" be at my age, or "what" I should have acquired by now are beginning to lose relevance as I learn to quiet the critic in my mind. Through this process I am learning to hold space for myself, to breathe into my heart and connect. Being raised a Catholic I maintain that I was given a somewhat distorted vision of who "God" was, I mean I was convinced I was absolutely going to hell by the time I hit second grade. I'm slowly making peace with the big guy/girl, our Source and as I'm doing that I am on a constant scavenger hunt for tools to help me trust more in him/her as well as myself and my fellow human beings.

As I was prepping for a morning meeting and texting my friend Sophie and reading an online article (all at the same time, damn I have really got to learn to focus) I read something that stuck such a deep chord I had to share it with Sophie and I also wanted to come here to share it with all of you (my one noble reader).

It's from The Full Moon Report on a site I enjoy called The Cosmic Path, you can read the full article HERE. The writer, Emily Samet, whom I have quoted a number of times before on Instagram, wrote this:

Do you have faith that all is coming? That the Universe meets your needs? If you don't, see it as an invitation to explore this further. (Invitation accepted Emily)

Practice trusting in Divine timing. (it's like what Emery says above). Listening to a recording the other morning I heard the astute comment that when we exhale, we don't worry about where the next breath is coming from. (I love that! I wonder who made the recording??) A few hours later I heard my yoga teacher reinforce the point saying, the inhale is given, don't force it. And it is - you don't have to force, you don't have to worry. Yet you do have to make space. If you don't exhale, you couldn't take in a fresh breath. (Did you try it? Lol I did, it's totally possible Emily! Sure, maybe not comfortable but it is possible. See? Not a follower!) It becomes much more difficult to grow when you resist a natural flow. (fine, point taken)

So...

My homework on today's full moon lunar eclipse, (and your homework too should you choose to accept it) is to look for ways where I can create space in my life so that I can allow the natural flow of the universe in. I really do want to believe that there is a bigger plan and that everything I want is making it's way to me on time, and that like my Grandmother used to say: Things always have a way of working out.

xo
Shan

Love

Good morning,

Just a quick check in today. I actually had something rather funny (to me at least) to write about this morning but unfortunately after seeing the news about the terrorist attacks in Brussels, it made all the trivial little quips and complaints seem less funny and even more trivial.

I watched a broadcast to see and hear what was going on and there was some pretty disturbing footage shown that was shot on someone's phone. I guess we the people, the everyday passersby are now catching the moments as they happen. At first all I saw was chaos, the blood, the mayhem, but as I looked closer I caught a glimpse of the truth.

The truth is people are generally good. With our humanity in tact, we have empathy and compassion and genuine concern for our fellow human beings. What I saw in that video beyond the bedlam and confusion was love. I saw medics attending to the wounded, I saw a woman remove her coat and put it over someone in need, I saw people helping each other to their feet, working together to sort through the disaster.

Whoever did this created fear, they caused devastation, committed murder, but what they also created was Solidarity. Community. Co-operation. Support. 

They have strengthened our humanity and our resolve to create peace and harmony among us. We stand on a single spinning blue dot of a planet. 

We are going to learn to take care of it and each other. I see people in Belgium doing that right now. I see the women who are part of the #TAMily doing that every day. I believe that kindness always triumphs.

Big hugs.
Shan

It's Wonderful

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Nope, it ain't Christmas folks, it's time for another one of Deepak and Oprah's 21-Day-Meditation classes and it starts tonight - Monday March 21st.

Can I just take a moment first to say happy spring? Happy Spring! It was the Vernal Equinox yesterday and for my Christian friends it was Palm Sunday. I love the stories of Palm Sunday and the truly special time that is Easter and with that we find ourselves in that blessed first week of spring. 

I am delighted to be back here to kick that spring week off chatting with you! And as a feast for your eyes, dine on this lovely photo of English Bay (I shot this photo last spring in Vancouver and my heart still longs for those stunning West Coast springs)

So where was I. Oh yeah, Deepak's meditation.

I always love these 21-day meditations, not even necessarily for the content (which is always good) but more for the reset. It just retrains my brain to get back into the habit of meditation. I do have a regular practice, but this reinforces it. Plus I love the community aspect. Collective spirits joining hearts and minds around the globe to increase that positive vibration, it can only do us good.

This segment is called Shedding the Weight: Mind, Body and Spirit. You can find the link HERE.

I think this is a timely journey for me as I have been carrying a lot of mental and spiritual weight which is (I'm coming to believe) translating into physical weight on my body. You see I've been gaining weight since November. My diet hasn't changed too significantly apart from the copious amounts of chocolate I was (am) consuming (stress-eating people, it's a killer on the waistline). I won't deny that there is also something going on with my health. I describe it to He Who Shall Not Be Named as a general overall sense of dis-ease. My head aches, my joints hurt, my gut feels nauseous, but nothing is to the point of like "Oh I'm sick" if that makes sense.

I elected to cut out gluten and limit dairy (good quality dark chocolate is allowed as it's dairy free so...) still I'm feeling unwell and the weight is rising. Before you say it, no I am not pregnant. 

I'm sincerely starting to think that stress has a more dramatic role in this picture than I first gave him credit for. Yes, noble reader, stress is a man because aren't men the root of a lot of our suffering? MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal illness... I kid of course, but yeah stress is a dude, just trust me on that.

2016 came in with a roar and quite literally bit off my head. I won't bore you with details, suffice it to say I have been spending quite a bit of time of late licking my wounds! But like all pendulums, the pendulum of life must sway and I feel like I'm ready to start the upswing. This 21-Day Meditation will be just the thing to help. That and admitting that I am a chocoholic. You think there's a 12-step program for that? Yep, still me, still Shan. This might not be Mastering The Method, it might be a new chapter called Mastering My Midlife, but you know what they say: Sure it's a new chapter, but it's still the same book, love.

Hope to feel your meditative vibes with me in the ether tonight and for the next three weeks.

Thanks for sharing.
xox
Shan

For Our Amusement

Sometimes when I'm writing a new script, creating that brand new world, and filling it (hopefully) with real-ish, three dimensional characters, I must do what every writer secretly or not-so-secretly loves to do... research. 

Not the boring, clinical, reams and reams of unreadable technical jargon kind of research, I mean stuff like watching a movie that might be similar to the one I'm writing (don't want to be repeaty or reinvent the wheel here people), or read a book, or troll the internet for fun facts like hip restaurants that you might want your character to go to in her hometown of New York City. You choose New York City because obviously you've always wanted to live there and writing about someone else's fantastic adventures there, albeit fictional, makes you feel just that little bit closer to your dream. You don't? That's only me? Okay never mind.

What I am trying to say is that the kind of research I often get to do is fun, I enjoy it, and... it allows me to put off the writing for just a few more minutes. Yeah, there it is, the naked truth. So here we are.

I was doing exactly that, "research" when I came to the end of an episode of a Chuck Lorre Production. Now for those of you who don't know who Chuck Lorre is, shame on you! Just kidding, no shaming here. He is an American television writer, director, producer, composer, he's just basically TV God, okay? Was this how you pictured God?? Me either, thought the beard would be longer and whiter.

Anyway... He's done shows like The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Mom, Cybill and Grace Under Fire (that last one's a personal fave!!!) In any case at the end of each episode he writes a random blurb, a thought,  or commentary. They are hilarious and brilliant and nutty and wild. I love them.

So as I further my daily writing procrastination, I thought I'd pop 'round here to share: 

Chuck Lorre Production #424 

Sometimes when I had a particularly bad golf shot I find myself looking for the ball where I want it to be rather then where it most likely is. On a personal level this could be written off as a heartless bit of wishful thinking but on a macro level, it reveals an evolutionary character flaw that has Darwinian implications. What are the long-term survival chances of a species that is unwilling to see things as they are when "as they are" is not how it wants them to be? The answer, of course, is slim to woolly mammoth. In fact, it's a hop, skip, and jump from a missing Titleist to mass extinction.

We want to believe that nuclear weapons will not fall into psychotic hands or that if they do, heroes will stop them. We want to believe that catastrophic climate change won't upset our plans for the weekend. And if it does, scientists will build space stations where a select few of us will live happily ever after (and they'll need middle-age sitcom Raiders with bronchitis.) 

We want to believe that medicine will make amazing strides before we die, and we won't die. And if we do, spiritual forces will usher us into a better world. We want to believe our ball is not in the pond. And if it is, we will knock the next shot stiff and make no worse than a bogey. We want to believe there's a flash of insight at the end of this vanity card. And if there's not, we can keep writing until we somehow twist the golf metaphor into something mildly amusing.

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Thanks Chuck!

You sick of me yet? Third post in a week, good lord somebody stop me!
xo
Shan

The Mighty Few

The Mighty Few. 

That's the name of the latest fashion collection from 26-year-old Crow/Cheyenne designer Bethany Yellowtail. She says her line draws inspiration from "the sacred and reimagines it for the contemporary woman." According to an online article in HUFFPOST Style Canada, the collection is all about honoring the continuity, beauty and resilience of Native Americans. Go HERE to read more.

But this isn't a fashion post, lord knows I ain't a fashionista. I think it's super cool tho.

I bring Bethany up because diversity and Native appropriation have been on my mind a lot lately and not just because of the #oscarssowhite. But I'll get to that.

No, these things are on my mind because because of a few recent encounters that got my back up and I had to ask myself why, when they were coming from people that I love, respect and consider to be real friends. Was I or rather am I being too sensitive? I wondered.

For a large part of my early life, friends were few and far between. And good friends? Best friends? Even more of a rarity. As I hit my mid-twenties things started to change, maybe I changed, maybe cocktails helped, I don't know, but I was able to make a couple of friends with whom I am still close to to this day. I found it interesting to note that they were not white. You could assume that it's because I come from a mixed race background or perhaps because I met these people in Toronto which a very culturally diverse city, whatever the reason, because they were not white I never felt like a minority around them. 

I'm part white, I look at my family and most of them look white, I'm married to a white man. Yes dear reader, He Who Shall Not Be Named is British. So it wasn't because I had an aversion to the fairer-skinned race. 

As I grew into my thirties I actually made some white friends, women and men alike, but they were not ordinary white folk these new friends, if you can believe it they all happened to be either lesbian or gay. What can I say, I'm a fan of diversity? But things, they are 'a changing.

During my past six years as a devout Tracy Anderson Method practitioner and blogger of said practice, I have not only come in contact with, but have connected and since become truly great friends with a good number of women who also love Tracy. It may surprise you to learn after reading the above, that the majority of them are white. No kidding! They hail from all over the world too from Portugal, Spain, and England, to South Africa, Canada and the United States. This has placed me in a unique situation that in my forty-odd years I have been unaccustomed to. In this group of incredibly talented, loving and amazing women, I'm the only person of color. I use the term color loosely of course because I'm more of an invisible minority - I'm Cree (and white as mentioned above). For those unfamiliar, that means I'm Native Canadian.

This unique situation first became apparent to me on Halloween when one of the girls posted a picture of an intended Halloween costume. I'm sure it's not necessary to spell it out for you -- okay I'll spell it out -- it was a Pocahontas costume. It made me feel nauseous. I felt hurt and a little betrayed and worse I felt guilty for feeling hurt. I sat with it and wondered what to do. Well there was only one thing to do. I gently and cautiously explained to her that we are a "culture not a costume", and she was genuinely sorry. We're still friends. It was her understanding that Pocahontas was a heroic historical figure. Yep, that's the yarn that good old Disney and Hollywood spin. Pocahontas was in fact a teenaged girl who was taken prisoner by the English and held hostage for over a year circa 1612. Please don't ever call my husband Captain Smith, okay?

The next experience came in January of this year when I took part in the Got Your Back Girl (#GYBG) contest that Tracy Anderson held on INSTAGRAM. The idea was that we were to buddy up with a partner and encourage each other to work out for 33 days while doing daily challenges that Tracy posted from her feed. It was fun, we got in shape, we connected with new people, and got to know the people we already knew even better. Win win, right? It was great apart from the "post where you come from day" when Tracy innocently posted a photo of herself in a feathered headdress with the pronouncement that she has Choctaw heritage. No doubt she does, but had she been raised with the culture someone would have let her know that she shouldn't be wearing a headdress. (Once she was informed, she took the photo down and I'm sure felt horrible)

So fair enough, more education is needed.

Now, just this week during a conversation yet another friend made a comment about wild Indians. Again, totally innocent, but it too made me want to cry. I was afraid to talk to her about it, worried of what her reaction would be and not wanting to offend her. But then I thought, if she were a man making an inappropriate remark about women, I'd jump to women's defence without thinking twice. So I chose to speak up.

When I explained to her that we don't really say things like that she of course felt awful and I felt even worse for saying anything in the first place. Now you might be sitting there thinking, Shan why get your knickers in a knot? You know they love you, they didn't mean anything by it and what's so bad about wild Indians anyway, you guys were totally badass warriors right? 

Well yes and no, but mostly no. The misconception is that we were wild, savage, untamed, "wagon-burners." Ooooooo, you draw the line at that last one don't you. Yeah man, so do I. But I drew my line way before that.

I can't speak for every Indigenous Nation across Great Turtle Island (that's what we call North America - see? Education is cool), but many of us were matriarchal societies, COMMUNITIES run by WOMEN. We had social structures, we had our own cultures and practices however different from Europeans. And yes, the people I hail from were nomadic, meaning we followed the herds for food. Did that make us wild because we didn't farm? Were we savages because we didn't believe in your Christ? According to the dudes that wrote the history books it did, but we weren't, we were simply different. The thing that's so disturbing to me is that so many people still see us as these nomadic tribesmen of yore... IN THE PAST. 

Hello, my name is Shannon and I'm a Native Canadian,  alive here and now, so pleased to meet you. Do I have beaded buckskin moccasins? You bet your ass I do, but I pretty much wear Converse most of the time people, come on!

If I'm being honest, all this stuff bothers me. I hate the fact that there is still a sports team called the REDSKINS - that is blatant racism bitches! Jeep CHEROKEE, APACHE Helicopters? Stop stealing our names and using us mascots while pretending that we don't exist. Hello over 1100 Indigenous women and girls in Canada have gone missing or been murdered! I'm not talking last century. I'm talking about now. Today. This is currently happening and it's not in the news! Aboriginal people make up about four percent of this country's population yet our women account for 16% of the homicides? Are you kidding me? We're not a historical race we are right here in front of you. Where I come from, a native boy has a greater chance of going to prison than he does of graduating high school.

Okay, alright I'm getting ranty and I'm getting angry. My question is why aren't more people? Because we just don't occur to people, we are not even a consideration.

I became a screenwriter to write about Indigenous people, to create role models for our children, but even that's proving to be the Mount Everest of uphill climbs. I mean did you watch the Oscars this year? I had the slim hope that the subject of diversity was going to come up because of the entirely white nominee list. Oh sure, there was a hashtag #oscarssowhite and some big named stars boycotted the awards, but I can promise you the show was not about diversity. The show was about being "all white" and having "No Black Nominees". 

I applaud Chris Rock for the terrific job he did to bring awareness to the fact that no black talent got the nod, but what about the rest of us? I know I've said this on my IG, but it's worth repeating, in the Academy's current membership, Native Americans and Asians COMBINED make up less than half a percent.To my knowledge, Mohawk actor Graham Greene is the only Native American to be nominated. So there you go, Mr. Greene is our one-quarter percent! 

So what's a girl to do? Throw my hands in the air and say I quit? This is a useless battle? No one cares? My one voice cannot make the difference? I can't do that. I have to look to my people for support. And I'm happy to say I've found a kindred spirit in Matika Wilbur. 

Matika is the coolest and I really hope someday to meet her. She's a photographer from the Swinomish and Tulalip Tribes of Washington and she travels around America taking photos of Native Americans hoping to shine the light on who we are as a real-life, very much alive, contemporary people. Like me, she wants our children to see images of our people that are not "past tense", not the noble savage as Pocahontas was purported to be, not the drunks or the beggars looking for a hand out, not the trouble-makers or complainers that so often the media makes us out to be.

Do yourself a huge favor and check out her website HERE. And then do yourself an even bigger favor by watching her TedTalks, she really is a rock star.

I also turn to my dear friend and colleague -- actor, producer, writer, all around amazing human being, Jennifer Podemski. The woman is like a sister and a mother or that favorite auntie. She's just the best.

Jen and I work together on the Indspire Awards, she's the creative producer and I help bring her vision to life through the script. It's a show that features Indigenous Achievers across Canada and hopefully it inspires our young people to understand and believe that they can do or be anything they want to. 

It's my hope that by continuing to speak up, make art, bring awareness and quietly educate one day we'll live in a world where none of us ever has to feel like "the only Indian" in the room. 

There will always be pitfalls, obstacles, rejection and disappointment but to all of that I say...

Carry on. Do not be afraid. Speak your truth whatever that may be. In the words of my beautiful friend, singer/songwriter Leela Gilday: "We are standing on the shoulders of giants, we are standing in the shelter of ancients, we are speaking the truth of the people, we are marching to the beat of ONE DRUM."

Some day, it is my hope that we will be ONE and until then I'll just keep on keeping on. Thanks for tuning in!


xoxo
Shan



  

Why hello there stranger!

I am not going to even attempt an apology for my absence. That would just be way too Canadian. Can you hear Justin Bieber crooning "Is it too late now to say sorry?" As Canadians we apologize way too much, so even though I might be thinking it, not gonna say it.

But guess what? I'm writing a new feature script. Oh don't get too excited it's in the embryonic stages, like if it were a baby growing inside my belly it would be the size of a lentil. I mean to tell you that you are not gonna see this thing for at least a decade if you see it at all. We were recently getting ready to go to camera on a script I wrote that's eleven years old when the final 20% of our budget fell through causing the whole thing to collapse. Yep, I willingly chose this life, no one is holding a gun to my head, although... truth be told some days I feel like holding a gun to my own head. Chill Winston, it's a joke.

So why tell you all this now... after being away for months? Because for some very odd reason, when I'm working on a new screenplay I suddenly have the urge to blog, to write, to talk about stuff and to connect with you my darling friend. I say "friend" singular because I'd consider myself blessed and fortunate if there is even one person left reading this wee corner of the internet that has, until recently been collecting dust, growing cobwebs, and being serenaded by the sound of crickets!

I'm not even kidding, it's actually this bad.

Doesn't even matter because I'm back. Yeah, I know you've heard it all before. I come back for one day then you don't hear from me for weeks or months on end. I'm that crappy unreliable friend who can never get her shit together. Look, I won't promise that I'm going to be here every day, but I might. You might see another message in the old inbox and go, Jeez, that windbag again? Sick of her already.

I've had so many things swirling around in my head that I've wanted to discuss lately. Pets, politics, the arts, health, damn I'm feeling pretty well-rounded at the moment. I know I'm late to the party with the whole lack of diversity at the Oscars but it's something I really want to discuss. Just not today. (Could you possibly come at this any later Shan? Honestly!) Look Judgey-McJudgerson, I have never claimed to be a current events reporter okay so just get off my back.

Since I opened with Justin Bieber, I'd like to talk a little about another Justin who's been on my mind. Justin Trudeau! For you, my one reader who is more than likely NOT Canadian, JT is the shiny new Prime Minister of Canada and I am digging him. Obviously no leader is perfect but I like the way this guy thinks. And did you know that he was recently invited to the White House for dinner? And did you further know that this is the first time that this has happened in nineteen years?!? I am not the most politically minded individual so I don't pay a whole lot of attention to what the peeps in office are usually up to, but I had sort of just assumed that you know, Canada and the US were sort of buddies. Talking about stuff that affects us mutually since we're so close and all, but no! I was shocked to learn that has not been the case. 

I guess it makes sense when you consider our former PM? He was so robotic, never gave a shit about anyone unless they had piles of cash and ack - that hair of his, total helmut head. Speaking of bad hair... you know where I'm going right? Trump? Oh My God America WTF! Wait don't lemme get ahead of myself, I want to talk some more about how great the two current leaders are.

I just adore adore adore love love love Obama - you see her face??

That's totally the face I'd make if I got to pose with him for a selfie for sure!
So the Obamas invited the Trudeaus over for dinner and the jokes between these two were brilliant. You should check out their speeches if you get a chance or are so inclined. The reason I love Obama so much is because he seemed like the only guy in politics who wasn't a crook and who actually had concern for the people he was elected to lead. I am now proud to say there is a similar leader in the free world.

JT has been criticized for so many things from his lack of experience and the diverse range of jobs he's had (he was a bouncer in a bar and snow board instructor, no wonder he's talking about legalizing weed), some are saying he's too young (that must just be the olds talking) or that he is too liberal. But where so many leaders spoon feed us fear with talk of terrorism and the enemy, JT has welcomed Syrian refugees into our country. Now I am not saying that terrorism isn't real, it totally is but he defends his choice by saying that the people fleeing these terrible situations are just as afraid of these monsters as the rest of us are. They are human beings, families with children who want to see their kids go to school, grow up, get married and have their own children same as you and me. He recently did an interview on 60 Minutes (where he again was criticized for being a light-weight, which I thoroughly disagree with) when he said: "Ultimately, being open and respectful toward each other is a much more powerful way to defuse hatred and anger than layering on big walls and oppressive policies." He also said: "I stand firmly against the politics of division, the politics of fear." He could be an honorary member of the TAMILY, yo! Maybe we could get his wife into streaming if she doesn't do it already.

I digress. Needless to say, his view point made me a little prouder to be Canadian. Still, we have some issues in Canada that need to be firmly addressed. We need to know how and why so many of our Indigenous women and girls are being murdered or going missing and why no one seems concerned?! The number of women on that list is well up over 1100. Just imagine if you suddenly read a news headline that said over 1100 white middle income women have either gone missing or have been murdered and NO ONE is being held responsible? Shock, outrage! Sadly because these women are not white, their story rarely even reaches the papers. Instead, our former PM said when asked if there would be an inquiry: "Frankly, it's just not a priority for us at this time." What? WHAT?!? JT has promised us an inquiry this spring - I hope he doesn't let us down.

Additionally, over 30% of Canada's reserves have been under a "boil water" advisory for more than a decade. That means that people do not have access to clean safe water. If current governments continue with the practice and policy of big money first, oil, mining etc. it won't be long before our entire planet is under a boil water advisory. We need to wake up! Which leads me to you America.

Donald Trump? What's up with that? How is he winning over so many states? How is he getting traction and making head-way? Someone please tell me?

Writer Scott Feschuck of MacLean's Magazine recently penned a brilliant article of the crisis we are going to be facing if that man gets elected. It's hilarious and scary and you can read it HERE.

Yikes, I'm outta time. I'll look forward to chatting with you again soon. I have a couple of more rants in me and some new body issues I'm keen to discuss.
Talk soon?

xoxo
Shan